No Yelling Challenge Day 7

So I made it an entire week!!!  I still can't believe it!  As I was sitting down to write this post, I kept thinking to myself "Surely there was one time I have yelled and I've forgotten" Nope!!  I have wracked my brain and can't think of a single time.  I must admit, once I got through those first couple of days it has been pretty easy after that.  But I have made it!  The weekend was a challenge, I suspect it will be for a while.  Having my daughter and husband home with me is a bit of added stress, but I have learned to tell my husband "I need a minute" and then I take it!  I still haven't told him about the challenge, although I'm sure he has seen me post the links to these blog posts to my facebook page, he hasn't mentioned it.  He is like that, he knows all kinds of things and has this uncanny ability to keep them to himself and never bring it up, kinda creepy actually!  I would think his head would explode with that kind of knowledge.
We were out of school for Thanksgiving break this week so I have been home with my little love all week.  Monday I had six dozen dinner rolls and a loaf of bread to make plus I had invited a couple of girlfriends over to drink coffee and let the kids watch Christmas movies while we had some girl time.  I was trying a bit too hard to multi-task and the next thing I knew a bowl full of my bread dough was laying in my kitchen floor!  My precious friends immediately started chanting "Five Second RULE!!!" and I quickly retreived it and put it back in the bowl.  (Don't judge me, I had just mopped the floor AND you know you would have done the same thing!  Plus that was the batch I kept for home, I didn't sell it)  But the real moral to the story is that I didn't yell... I made up some words and growled a bit, but I didn't yell!
The real test, I suppose will be the rest of this week.  My husband informed me that he will be off work for the next 5 days, we have Thanksgiving to get through with my family on Thursday then his family on Friday, then our yearly tradition of going to cut down a Christmas tree on Saturday.  But even as I sit here and type I'm thinking to myself, these are supposed to be festive times, fun times, family memories.  Why would yelling even need to be entered into the equation?  This year I vow it won't be.
I have adopted a new catch phrase.... "I'm NOT going to yell" (all caps for emphasis, not yelling).  I say it several times a day, I say it to myself, I say it to my daughter, I say it to my husband, I say it to the dog... Monday, I said it to my bread dough that I had just slung into the floor!  I say it all the time!  It is amazing how much that has helped!  It reminds me that there is a goal in mind.  And with a week under my belt I sincerely feel like I can do this!!  There may be a setback still to come, but I feel like I have an actual chance at success and that makes me want to Yell for Joy!!! :)

30 Day No Yelling Challengs: Going strong on day 3

Well I have made it to day three!  Day one was a challenge from the get go, but it didn't end there!  That night when my husband got home he decided THAT was the night we needed to go through the checkbook and bill calendar..... YES I am serious!  I hadn't told him about my no yelling challenge yet (and honestly still haven't) but I can tell you this much, he KNEW something was different.
See, I'm not a detail oriented person and he feels like there should be dates in the checkbook register.... you see the impasse there?  Yeah ridiculous right!! Anyway..... in times past I would get frustrated that he didn't understand that I simply don't think to put things like dates and check numbers in the checkbook, or that he had the unmitigated gall to ask me what I bought at Walmart for $43.75 a week and a half ago and I would begin to feel the heat rise up in my chest and before it was over with I was yelling at him that he should be happy I had the wherewithal to even put the amount of the purchase in there and not ask for more (men, never satisfied right?) and I was positive that the $43.75 at Walmart was a family essential even if I couldn't remember what I purchased and don't even start with me about the positive attributes of keeping up with receipts.  Then he would simply look at me with that grin he gives me and shake his head (yeah he is eerily calm in a storm... it's kinda creepy) which would make me that much more mad and it was ON then!
BUT THIS TIME I simply  took a deep breath, answered his questions (unnecessary as they may have been) and twice I said "I just need to take a minute" to which he answered "What are you talking about, what is wrong with you?"  Or I would simply close my eyes and begin to pray, "Lord I want to yell, help help help help"  to which he would say "What in the world are you doing?" At that point I couldn't do anything but laugh!  I was AWESOME!!!  No yelling, NONE!!!!!
Day two was pretty non eventful, I went to a friend's house who is the house mom at a maternity home for young girls (yep those still exist!  And her's is the BEST!) and hung out with them most of the day so there was nothing much to yell about there.  My husband had to work late so no more budget meeting was in place.  Day two done!
So here are my thoughts, God gave me a hard day on day one to prove to me that I could make it!  With HIS help, I can do anything!
Now to tackle the weekend, let's do this thing!!!

30 Day No Yelling Challenge Day 1

Seriously?  You know, my life is truly living breathing proof that God has a sense of humor!  How else do you explain that literally 10 minutes after I share with the world that I'm going to attempt to go 30 days without yelling my sweet daughter calls to me from the hallway.  As I calmly walk into the hallway I notice that something is amiss, the door to my bedroom is awkwardly pushed out into the hallway when it's normal open position is inward into the bedroom.  I look up to the ceiling and calmly raise my hands and exclaim "Really?"
"How did this happen?" I asked my daughter, "I don't know, I was trying to open it and it wouldn't go any further" she responded.
Again with the hands to the sky "Really???"
"You know the door opens the other direction, why did you push it out?"  I asked with an over-exaggerated calm to my voice
"I forgot which way it was supposed to go"  was the response I got.
Once more for good measure "Really???"
Ok... so I knew this whole no yelling thing was going to be a challenge, I knew I would face times where I would be tempted to blow my top and yell it out, but COME ON..... ten minutes in..... REALLY???
So I took a deep breath, wedged my behind past the one foot opening between the wall and the door and inspected the situation from the other side.
This was a two part plan in fact; I wanted to see if she had damaged the door frame, and I got a bonus in that she couldn't see me grab the pillow and scream to the top of my lungs into it!
I don't know if I have ever mentioned this, but I'm not very good with tools, or wood, or anything of that nature so I was completely at a loss as to how to get the door back past the jam when I noticed that the hinge thingys (oh hush, you know what I'm talking about) were pulled out about a quarter inch from the door frame and the door could no longer clear the half inch piece of wood that was supposed to keep the door from opening the opposite side of the wall in the first place.
I then took a deep breath as my daughter was still outside the door asking "Are you going to be able to fix it?  I really didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry"
So I said to her "Mommy needs you to give me a minute to try and figure this out, can you go to your room and play for a few minutes and I'll call you downstairs when I'm done"
I bet you are thinking, she said "Sure, Mommy, whatever you say"..... yeah... not so much!
She responded "Well can I watch tv in the living room instead?"
Deep breath
"No, go play in your room till I call you"
"Well can I have the tablet from off your bed first?"
Deeper breath
"No, go play in your room till I call you"
"Well can I watch tv in my room instead of play?"
Again with the yelling into the pillow
Resume the deep breath
"Yes sweet girl, you may watch tv in your room, but PLEASE give me a minute here"
With that she trodded up the stairs to her bedroom.
I began to pull and push, lift and wiggle the door in an attempt to force the hinge thingies back into their proper wedged out rectangles in the door frame... no luck.
I began to pray "God, I don't know how to fix this, can you give me a hand please?"
I suddenly got the idea to bang the aforementioned hinge thingy back into it's cozy little den, my hand was not going to get the job done so what do I need?  Well a hammer of course!  That's perfect I thought... I can release some frustrations as well as (hopefully) get the door fixed all at the same time.
So I wedged my behind out the door and into the spare bedroom where my husband keeps his tools and brought back a hammer.  I banged it several times and voila... the door hinge thingy was back where it belonged and I could then put the door back on the correct side of the jam!  Woo Hoo go me!!!!  Then just for good measure, I got my husband's drill and tightened the screws so that the hinge thingy was again snug and secure!
I then put the tools away and basked in the glow of knowing that not only did I get through the ordeal without yelling at my child,  but I actually fixed something, with ACTUAL tools and everything!
I called my daughter back downstairs and sat her down on the bed.  Now is as good a time as any to tell her about my master plan to change her world!  (Ok ok ok, maybe not her world, but improve her chances of keeping her hearing anyways).  I told her that the reason I asked her to go to her room was because I was very frustrated and didn't want to yell at her, but I needed a minute to get my thoughts together and figure out how to fix the door.  I told her that I was going to be really really trying not to yell at her.  I confessed to her that I may mess up, I may falter, but I am going to make a genuine effort to change my reactions.  She looked at me with all the pride I have ever seen in her sweet little 5 year old eyes and she said "You did it Mommy, you didn't yell at me!  Way to go!" and gave me a high five then said "Can I finish watching Austin and Ally now?"
Well it was short lived, but very powerful!  I did it, I did it!

The YELLING must stop!!! 30 day Challenge

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in this blog in a REALLY long time, but I actually mentioned it last night to the girls in our youth group at church and found myself itching to write something!  So here goes!

I recently came across a link to this blog article on a friend's facebook page and found myself feeling guilty, sad and suddenly determined all at the same time.

Perhaps I should back up a bit.  I am a yeller.... there I said it.  I yell (a lot) and I come by it honestly, I come from a long line of yellers; my mother was a yeller, my maternal grandmother IS a yeller, my paternal grandmother was a yeller, my aunt on my father's side..... you guessed it, she's a yeller too.  One could say that I didn't stand a chance, it's coded into my DNA, I'm a yeller.  Well that's pretty much what I thought too, until today (I'll explain later).  My mother seems to have mellowed out in her latter years (although the fact that she doesn't have three dueling children under her roof may have something to do with that) and I haven't heard her yell in quite some time, but me on the other hand, I seem to be getting worse as the years pass by.  Part of this is probably due to the fact that I'm almost 39 years old and I have a 5 year old at home, by the time my Mother was my age all her children were at least in middle school (you are not buying my excuses are you?  Yeah I didn't think so).  Well no matter the reason, my yelling seems to be getting worse instead of better.  Last year while teaching my daughter pre-kindergarten at home I would find myself getting frustrated with her for some trivial reason (how dare her spill something on the kitchen floor RIGHT after I mopped it or not remember that the letter G does not make the ja sound) and I'd find myself in a cycle of yelling, guilt, hug, promise.  I'd get upset, yell and get all of my frustration out, feel guilty, hug my child and promise never to yell again.  One day not too long ago, I was getting ready to head to school with my daughter and stepped outside onto the porch with the dog only to hear the door shut behind me and realize that my little princess had not only shut the door behind us, but locked it also.  I quickly panicked as I realized that my keys were of course inside and we were locked out.  Normally this wouldn't have been THAT big of an issue because my mother lives right next door and has a spare key to our house, but she wasn't home and therefore not available to rescue us.  So there I was locked out, no way in, dog is outside with us (with no leash mind you) and I blew my top.  I started yelling at my daughter about how I couldn't believe she had been so careless, and what was she thinking when suddenly, through those precious big green eyes filled with tears my daughter said to me "Mommy you promised you were not going to yell anymore", and even in that moment when I was being confronted by my child, I made excuses.  "I know, but that is just ridiculous that you don't pay attention to what you are doing".....
Yeah just typing that puts a lump in my throat, ugh. 

Yesterday I ran across the blog article entitled The Important Thing About Yelling and it felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart.  I felt guilty for what I had done to my child, sad that I had taught her that the only way to express her frustration or disappointment was to yell and determined to do something about it. 
I mean really, what does it mean that I feel like I'm entitled to raise my voice to tower over my child, or husband and inflict emotional pain and fear onto them simply because I chose to stay up too late watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix and I'm tired in the morning, or because I have a big fat ugly zit on my forehead and it's put me in a bad mood? (Come on, I know I'm not alone there)
So I followed the blog link to the original Orange Rhino Challenge and read the entire post, plus the supporting posts from all the links all in one sitting.  I knew right away this was going to be a challenge for me, but it is something I feel I owe my precious daughter, my amazing husband, and myself.

This is NOT going to be easy, I may fail (temporarily) but I am determined!
The original Orange Rhino Challenge is for a year of no yelling.  I'm a here and now kinda gal, a year from now seems like an eternity.  So I'm going to start with 30 days.  I am committing to doing my very best to restrain from yelling for 30 days.  So, who's with me?
If you are yourself a yeller and would like to take this 30 day challenge with me I'd love to hear from you, the more people we have that we can network together and support each other, the better our success will be!

So... what's the plan you ask?  First and foremost I will cover this entire endeavor with prayer.  I believe wholeheartedly in Philippians 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!
Next, I have downloaded the Tracking My Triggers WorkSheet from the Orange Rhino challenge and plan to start tracking what, when, where and how I am yelling.  Knowledge is power right?  I figure if I know what is making me yell, and how I can prevent the yelling then it will making it that much easier right?  Well that's my theory anyways!
I am also going to be posting a link to this blog post on my personal FB page.  Yes, I'm being honest when I say that scares the be-jeebers out of me.  I have lots of people in my life that may be surprised to learn that I have this (along with many other hidden) character flaw.  It's not something one brags about, "Yeah, that's me, yelling like a banshee when things don't go my way"......   Although friends and facebook peeps are generally safe, I tend to save the worst of the worst for the ones I love the best of the best (can I get a witness?)  I want my facebook friends, my blogger friends and anyone else to rally around me and let's support each other in this endeavor.  Change is hard, but it is not impossible.
And lastly, I will be sitting my kiddo and my husband down and sharing with them my plan.  They are the two most important earthly people in my life, I want them to think of me as a kind person who takes care of them both physically and emotionally, not the one to be feared and avoided depending on my mood.

I'll be checking in about once a week to give you an update on my progress as well as my setbacks and challenges.  Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope to hear from you soon :)

Be blessed sweet yellers :)

Children learn what we teach them (profound I know!)

So I'm straightening up the house a little before my hunny gets home and I pick up two pairs of my princess' shoes out of my bathroom and another pair in my bedroom.  This is AFTER asking her to pick up a pair out of the living room and dining room already, so needless to say I'm a little frustrated at this point.  As I make the trip from my bedroom to hers to put her shoes away, I discover two pair of my own shoes in my bedroom floor, and three more pair in the living room floor!  Ummm I think I may have found the culprit to our shoe problem!

My sweet girl has learned that it is acceptable to leave her shoes laying around the house because for most every day of her almost 4 year stay here in our humble abode, she has seen my shoes laying around the house!  This is a simple and fairly benign issue, but it points to a more profound truth.  Our children learn exactly what we teach them, weather it is leaving footwear in the walkway of our home, or what is appropriate to say, do, watch, sing... anything.  I was raised in a "do what I say and not what I do" home and know how I used to feel when I was told to stay home and be "good" when the adults would go out to bars and drink themselves into a stupor.  I could only think of how hypocritical that was, even before I knew what that word meant. 

I have made it a point in my daughters life, I do not watch television shows that she is not allowed to watch with me, I do not listen to songs that she cannot perform the lyrics into her pretend microphone... verbatim, and I do not say words that she cannot repeat back to me.  Not that I do not slip up from time to time, as a matter of fact last night I said the phrase "shut your mouth" and my princess in turn quickly reminded me "WE DON'T SAY THAT!"   But instead of saying those words I heard so many times growing up.... Do what I say, not what I do, I simply told her that she was right and I should not have said that.  (nothing like a 4 year old to keep you on track!)

So the moral of the story, weather it is putting your belongings where they go, watching tv shows, the language you choose to use, or any other issue that involves the training of our children; WE are responsible for everything they learn.... right or wrong!

Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Be blessed sweet friends!

Where is it??

Over the weekend I made one heck of a road trip.  Brooke and I left out of my hometown and drove to Dallas on Friday evening (about a two hour drive) to spend the night with my husband's grandmother, "Nanny" then we all three got up bright and early Saturday morning and drove down to Houston to visit my sister in law, Jennifer, who is ill and in the hospital.  After spending the day visiting we made the half hour trip to my brother in law, Mark's apartment in Baytown, but not before stopping in to visit a family member (one that I had never met of course) in Pasadena.  Needless to say when we got to the apartment to settle in for the night I was more than a little tired! To spite the frazzled nerves from Dallas AND Houston traffic in one day, and my body's desire to lay down and sleep, Nanny and I had planned to clean Mark and Jennifer's apartment for them.  So we went into the apartment and set about our tasks of folding laundry, vacuuming and mopping floors, putting away dishes and other household chores that had gone unnoticed in the two weeks since Jennifer had been in the hospital.  About an hour into my task I noticed that my phone was not in my pocket.  I thought it must be in the car and casually walked out to check.  Panic didn't really set in until about ten minutes and three trips to the car later when I finally decided it was a safe bet that it was not in fact in the car after all.  I then proceeded to retrace my steps and flip the halfway clean house upside in search of my missing link to the outside world.  Now to truly understand my dilemma you have to understand my obsession with phones!  Some people love shoes, some love clothes, some love cars, some even love furniture and home decor.... I LOVE cell phones.  I had a "Smartphone" and was actually contemplating trading it in on the latest and greatest iPhone when my contract came up for renewal in the next few months.  However I was beginning to have a whole new appreciation for the one that I had now that the likelihood that I would ever see it again was fading like the wind.  I used Nanny's phone and called my phone number incessantly walking around the apartment and parking lot looking for any sign of the bright screen or blinking indicator light on my lost friend.  An hour later, still nothing.  I called Mark and had him look up the number to my phone company so that I could call and report it missing, then it hit me.  I had recently downloaded an app on my phone that promised to give me the precise location of my phone if a special text was sent to it.  So I gave the code to Mark and he texted my number and sure enough a response a few minutes later.  It was a link to a google map with a little red pin icon in the spot where my phone was supposed to be.  He did this several times, the phone seemed to literally have taken legs.  it was supposedly in the parking lot, then in the grass, then against a tree, then near the air conditioning unit.  Each time I would go outside, full of hope, and search the latest map location, but again and again I was disappointed to find nothing.  Now I don't know if the app just didn't work, or if there was some sort of little leprechaun man who was running around outside with my phone, but something did not work! 
So I admitted to myself the cold hard truth that my phone was not coming back and I needed to move forward.  I called the phone company and had them put a temporary hold on the phone. 
The next day I headed back to Dallas to take Nanny home, then drove home, sans my Smartphone.  That was the weirdest feeling.  I went for years driving across town and halfway across the country with no cell phone, however, now I felt somehow incomplete without it now.  I kept thinking, what if I break down, what if I have a flat tire, what if I get lost.... well I did have the GPS, I didn't loose that!  (although anyone who knows me knows that is not always a guarantee that I won't get lost!)
Well needless to say, I did get home safe and sound.  When I got there my sweet husband had just gotten back from my sweet friends house and she had given him her old Blackberry for me to borrow until I got another one.  I couldn't get the number dialed fast enough to get that phone activated.  Although, I quickly realized that I had a grand total of two phone numbers memorized.  Mine and my husbands!  Thankfully my friend had left our mutual friend's phone numbers programmed in her phone for me and I was able to go through my husband's phone and get several phone numbers from his phone as well. 
I called the next day and filed an insurance claim on my phone to get a replacement.  It was processed immediately and shipped next day air to be received the next day.  You would think that would make me happy right..... not so much!  I whined and complained that her Blackberry didn't have the capabilities that my Droid had and that I couldn't access my COUPONS and print them with this phone (yes we are primitive we don't have Internet service at home.... for that matter we don't have cable TV either; but that's another blog post!)
When my replacement phone was scheduled to arrive I was like a kid who woke up too early on Christmas morning.  I watched out the door, I called every five minutes to check the status attached to my tracking number.  I called to speak with a representative at UPS to make sure they had correct directions to my house, and then I looked out the door some more.  I heard a truck outside and I looked out the door just in time to see that big brown truck go sailing past my house WITHOUT STOPPING! I immediately called my friend who lives up the street from me and asked her to flag down the truck as he drove by her house (yes I'm crazy like that... don't judge me!)  Of course the driver didn't see her and kept on his route out of my neighborhood so I proceeded to call UPS again.  I told the representative that the driver had not left the package and had the nerve to move on with his route when he didn't find my house on the first try.  So the ever so sweet lady looked up my address and proceeded to tell me that the status showed to be "delivered" and there was a note that said "left at side door".  Well that was all fine and great except I didn't have a side door, and I knew he didn't leave it at my house because my driveway is about a quarter mile long and the only place to turn around is in my back yard and he had certainly NOT been there!  So I decided that I would walk to my neighbor's house to see if it had been left there and sure enough, at their side door on the porch, there it was.  That cardboard box was shining at me like it was made of pure gold.  I don't know that I would have been happier if Ed McMahon had showed up on my front door (if he could find it that is... don't ask the UPS man for directions!)  I quickly told the UPS lady that I found the package and thanked her for her time.
Well, a couple of phone calls later and a quick drive down the street to get a good enough signal to properly activate my phone I'm back in business.
So, are there any lessons to learn from this experience? I realized that my happiness for those two days seemed to be wrapped up in my phone.  OUCH!  Without it I was moody, and miserable.  Even when I got a loaner I was not happy because it was not what I wanted.  OUCH again!  Can you say spoiled?  Well my husband did, and he was right.
Not only that, but am I as dependant on Jesus as I am on my phone?  When I don't have my daily time with Him do I feel lost and out of place?  OUCH AGAIN!!! 
So what have I learned?  One, quit being such a BRAT!  Be happy with what I have and realize how completely and totally, undeservedly blessed I am.  Two, keep up with things!!!
Be blessed friends!

Mother of The Year

Ok, so that is not a title that will be bestowed upon me any time soon!  I was giving my 3 year old a bath... and when I say "I was giving" her a bath what I mean is that I had run her bath water, thrown all her toys in the water with her and had stepped into the kitchen to start dinner.  Now before you go calling Child Protective Services bear in mind that my bathroom is within eyesight of my stove so she was in sight the entire time.  Now that we are done with the legalities....  Brooke says to me that she has to go potty so being the responsible mother that I am I tell her to get out of the bathtub, be sure to step on the bathmat so as not to fall, and go to the bathroom.  So she does and about 3 seconds later I hear the most horrific scream you can imagine.  I run the 4 steps it takes to get into the bathroom and gasp at the sight.  My sweet Brooke is sitting on the toilet with her knees bent up into her chest and her bottom is sunken into the toilet (I feel sure it was actually in the water. 
Let that sink in for a minute, feet are level with her head, holding on to the side of the toilet for dear life, wet bottom.  Yes my initial reaction was "What in the world have you done?"  I thought this was going to be an easy fix.  I thought I would simply take hold of her hands and lift her out of the toilet have a quick chuckle and return to my Hamburger Helper.  Um,  no that did not happen AT ALL!  I tried that approach and she only sunk deeper into the toilet.  It was about that time I realized that although I was sure this would make for a hysterical story later, this was actually not the least bit funny.  I took hold of her around the chest under her arms and again tried to free her from her porcelain prison and again no luck.  I began to panic.  I pulled and tugged but it seemed that every time I moved her she just sunk deeper and deeper into the toilet.  For a split second I actually contemplated calling 911.  All I could see in my minds eye was the jaws of life and a chainsaw coming at my precious little girl who was scared out of her mind.  So with renewed determination I again tried to lift her out, again, failure.  I then did what I should have done in the first place.  I let go of her and simply said "God, I can't do this, you are going to have to do it for me" and with that I told Brooke to hold on to my neck and don't let go no matter what.  She looked at me through her tear filled eyes and said in her quivering 3 year old lispy voice "I won't wet doe Mamma" so she grabbed hold of my neck with the grip of a grown man and I put my arm under what was still visible of her legs and squeezed her legs towards her chest as hard as I could and finally.... freedom. 
I then inspected the damage, she was pretty bruised up on the back of both of her legs and on her back from where she was wedged in the toilet seat.  But other than that and some left over tears, she was fine.  She just kept saying, "That really hurt Mamma" :(  Poor baby. 
At this time she had only been going to the potty consistently for about a week so I just knew that this traumatic event would send us strait back to diaperville.  This time I learned my lesson.  I immediately prayed, "Lord, please work your magic with this memory in her little mind and do not let this affect her potty training progress" 
Well I'm happy to report that we have not taken even one small step backward with her potty training and we even sold the last of her pull ups in a garage sale a couple weekends ago! 
So the moral to the story is what?  PRAY!!  So many times God seems to be our last resort as opposed to our first resource.  Why is that, we are really stupid sometimes!  I mean we have the creator of the universe at our disposal, and yet we want to rely on our own strength and wisdom to solve our problems.  I mean seriously? 
Well I propose to you that if I can pray for God to help release my 3 year old from the grips of the toilet and He answers immediately.... He can surely help you too!
Be Blessed Friends

Time... what's that??

When I quit my job in November to be a stay at home mom I thought I would have so much extra time on my hands that I wouldn't know what to do with it all.  And that was the case for about a day and a half!  I would like to say that it was not all self inflicted but that would be a lie.  I found myself taking on tasks that were really meant to glorify me, make me feel useful or important.  That's not the reason I quit my job in the first place.  I quit my job so that I could be here for my husband and daughter full time.  This blog post is a sort of "re commitment".  I need accountability from people who read this blog, I need someone to say "Kristan, have you read a bible story to Brooke today?"  I need someone to say "Kristan, when is the last time you said something encouraging to your husband?" 
Don't worry, I'm not putting all the responsibility on you and taking none for myself!  I have recently deactivated my facebook account.  That was crazy!  I have received as many phone calls and texts in the two days that I have been facebook free as I used to get in status comments!  People just don't seem to understand that for me Facebook was almost like an addiction.  I would wake up in the morning and immediately reach for my phone to see what happened in FB land after I went to sleep, and what had happened to those souls who woke up before me.  I would spend hours a day looking at the never ending threads of comments left on mine and other's posts.  I would have a thought or hear a quote and immediately think to myself "wow that would make a clever facebook comment".  It was ridiculous!  My poor husband and daughter would be talking to me and I would literally not hear them because I was so engrossed in what I was reading on facebook.  My husband works crazy long hours and when he is home he would want my attention, naturally!  Well that was fine, I had no problem giving him my attention.... as soon as I finished the comment I was making, or reading the rest of the thread I had started a half hour earlier.  I would take any opportunity to sneak a peak when he would leave the room for even a minute.  That my friends is as much an addiction as drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes!  After several long conversations with a good friend who was also struggling with the same issue I decided it was time to rip off the proverbial band-aid and get rid of facebook.  I thought it would be hard.  I thought I would miss it, I thought I would think about it day and night, wondering what everyone was saying or doing.  It has been much the opposite.  I realize now that before it was a burden to always feel the need to know what 200 + people were posting to the Internet, then wondering what their friends had posted about those posts and so on and so on.  After I clicked the "deactivate" button it was like an instant sigh of relief left my chest.  I no longer have that burden, I no longer know or care what everyone has to say about every waking moment of their lives.  I no longer know or care what all their friends have to so about their every move!  It's GREAT!!!
Now I'm not judging those who still have facebook.  I don't think it is an addiction to everyone and I have seen many cases of ministry happen in my own life due to facbook so I'm not advocating that everyone get off facebook.  I'm simply stating that in my own life I felt this is what the Lord was telling me.... if you are spending more time doing anything, weather it be facebook, blogging, reading, watching tv.... whatever, if you are spending more time doing anything other than worshipping, glorifying, and praising Me, then I am not your God.... all that other stuff is your god.
OUCH!  Yeah it's time to make some changes!
Be Blessed Friends!