No Yelling Challenge Day 7

So I made it an entire week!!!  I still can't believe it!  As I was sitting down to write this post, I kept thinking to myself "Surely there was one time I have yelled and I've forgotten" Nope!!  I have wracked my brain and can't think of a single time.  I must admit, once I got through those first couple of days it has been pretty easy after that.  But I have made it!  The weekend was a challenge, I suspect it will be for a while.  Having my daughter and husband home with me is a bit of added stress, but I have learned to tell my husband "I need a minute" and then I take it!  I still haven't told him about the challenge, although I'm sure he has seen me post the links to these blog posts to my facebook page, he hasn't mentioned it.  He is like that, he knows all kinds of things and has this uncanny ability to keep them to himself and never bring it up, kinda creepy actually!  I would think his head would explode with that kind of knowledge.
We were out of school for Thanksgiving break this week so I have been home with my little love all week.  Monday I had six dozen dinner rolls and a loaf of bread to make plus I had invited a couple of girlfriends over to drink coffee and let the kids watch Christmas movies while we had some girl time.  I was trying a bit too hard to multi-task and the next thing I knew a bowl full of my bread dough was laying in my kitchen floor!  My precious friends immediately started chanting "Five Second RULE!!!" and I quickly retreived it and put it back in the bowl.  (Don't judge me, I had just mopped the floor AND you know you would have done the same thing!  Plus that was the batch I kept for home, I didn't sell it)  But the real moral to the story is that I didn't yell... I made up some words and growled a bit, but I didn't yell!
The real test, I suppose will be the rest of this week.  My husband informed me that he will be off work for the next 5 days, we have Thanksgiving to get through with my family on Thursday then his family on Friday, then our yearly tradition of going to cut down a Christmas tree on Saturday.  But even as I sit here and type I'm thinking to myself, these are supposed to be festive times, fun times, family memories.  Why would yelling even need to be entered into the equation?  This year I vow it won't be.
I have adopted a new catch phrase.... "I'm NOT going to yell" (all caps for emphasis, not yelling).  I say it several times a day, I say it to myself, I say it to my daughter, I say it to my husband, I say it to the dog... Monday, I said it to my bread dough that I had just slung into the floor!  I say it all the time!  It is amazing how much that has helped!  It reminds me that there is a goal in mind.  And with a week under my belt I sincerely feel like I can do this!!  There may be a setback still to come, but I feel like I have an actual chance at success and that makes me want to Yell for Joy!!! :)

30 Day No Yelling Challengs: Going strong on day 3

Well I have made it to day three!  Day one was a challenge from the get go, but it didn't end there!  That night when my husband got home he decided THAT was the night we needed to go through the checkbook and bill calendar..... YES I am serious!  I hadn't told him about my no yelling challenge yet (and honestly still haven't) but I can tell you this much, he KNEW something was different.
See, I'm not a detail oriented person and he feels like there should be dates in the checkbook register.... you see the impasse there?  Yeah ridiculous right!! Anyway..... in times past I would get frustrated that he didn't understand that I simply don't think to put things like dates and check numbers in the checkbook, or that he had the unmitigated gall to ask me what I bought at Walmart for $43.75 a week and a half ago and I would begin to feel the heat rise up in my chest and before it was over with I was yelling at him that he should be happy I had the wherewithal to even put the amount of the purchase in there and not ask for more (men, never satisfied right?) and I was positive that the $43.75 at Walmart was a family essential even if I couldn't remember what I purchased and don't even start with me about the positive attributes of keeping up with receipts.  Then he would simply look at me with that grin he gives me and shake his head (yeah he is eerily calm in a storm... it's kinda creepy) which would make me that much more mad and it was ON then!
BUT THIS TIME I simply  took a deep breath, answered his questions (unnecessary as they may have been) and twice I said "I just need to take a minute" to which he answered "What are you talking about, what is wrong with you?"  Or I would simply close my eyes and begin to pray, "Lord I want to yell, help help help help"  to which he would say "What in the world are you doing?" At that point I couldn't do anything but laugh!  I was AWESOME!!!  No yelling, NONE!!!!!
Day two was pretty non eventful, I went to a friend's house who is the house mom at a maternity home for young girls (yep those still exist!  And her's is the BEST!) and hung out with them most of the day so there was nothing much to yell about there.  My husband had to work late so no more budget meeting was in place.  Day two done!
So here are my thoughts, God gave me a hard day on day one to prove to me that I could make it!  With HIS help, I can do anything!
Now to tackle the weekend, let's do this thing!!!

30 Day No Yelling Challenge Day 1

Seriously?  You know, my life is truly living breathing proof that God has a sense of humor!  How else do you explain that literally 10 minutes after I share with the world that I'm going to attempt to go 30 days without yelling my sweet daughter calls to me from the hallway.  As I calmly walk into the hallway I notice that something is amiss, the door to my bedroom is awkwardly pushed out into the hallway when it's normal open position is inward into the bedroom.  I look up to the ceiling and calmly raise my hands and exclaim "Really?"
"How did this happen?" I asked my daughter, "I don't know, I was trying to open it and it wouldn't go any further" she responded.
Again with the hands to the sky "Really???"
"You know the door opens the other direction, why did you push it out?"  I asked with an over-exaggerated calm to my voice
"I forgot which way it was supposed to go"  was the response I got.
Once more for good measure "Really???"
Ok... so I knew this whole no yelling thing was going to be a challenge, I knew I would face times where I would be tempted to blow my top and yell it out, but COME ON..... ten minutes in..... REALLY???
So I took a deep breath, wedged my behind past the one foot opening between the wall and the door and inspected the situation from the other side.
This was a two part plan in fact; I wanted to see if she had damaged the door frame, and I got a bonus in that she couldn't see me grab the pillow and scream to the top of my lungs into it!
I don't know if I have ever mentioned this, but I'm not very good with tools, or wood, or anything of that nature so I was completely at a loss as to how to get the door back past the jam when I noticed that the hinge thingys (oh hush, you know what I'm talking about) were pulled out about a quarter inch from the door frame and the door could no longer clear the half inch piece of wood that was supposed to keep the door from opening the opposite side of the wall in the first place.
I then took a deep breath as my daughter was still outside the door asking "Are you going to be able to fix it?  I really didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry"
So I said to her "Mommy needs you to give me a minute to try and figure this out, can you go to your room and play for a few minutes and I'll call you downstairs when I'm done"
I bet you are thinking, she said "Sure, Mommy, whatever you say"..... yeah... not so much!
She responded "Well can I watch tv in the living room instead?"
Deep breath
"No, go play in your room till I call you"
"Well can I have the tablet from off your bed first?"
Deeper breath
"No, go play in your room till I call you"
"Well can I watch tv in my room instead of play?"
Again with the yelling into the pillow
Resume the deep breath
"Yes sweet girl, you may watch tv in your room, but PLEASE give me a minute here"
With that she trodded up the stairs to her bedroom.
I began to pull and push, lift and wiggle the door in an attempt to force the hinge thingies back into their proper wedged out rectangles in the door frame... no luck.
I began to pray "God, I don't know how to fix this, can you give me a hand please?"
I suddenly got the idea to bang the aforementioned hinge thingy back into it's cozy little den, my hand was not going to get the job done so what do I need?  Well a hammer of course!  That's perfect I thought... I can release some frustrations as well as (hopefully) get the door fixed all at the same time.
So I wedged my behind out the door and into the spare bedroom where my husband keeps his tools and brought back a hammer.  I banged it several times and voila... the door hinge thingy was back where it belonged and I could then put the door back on the correct side of the jam!  Woo Hoo go me!!!!  Then just for good measure, I got my husband's drill and tightened the screws so that the hinge thingy was again snug and secure!
I then put the tools away and basked in the glow of knowing that not only did I get through the ordeal without yelling at my child,  but I actually fixed something, with ACTUAL tools and everything!
I called my daughter back downstairs and sat her down on the bed.  Now is as good a time as any to tell her about my master plan to change her world!  (Ok ok ok, maybe not her world, but improve her chances of keeping her hearing anyways).  I told her that the reason I asked her to go to her room was because I was very frustrated and didn't want to yell at her, but I needed a minute to get my thoughts together and figure out how to fix the door.  I told her that I was going to be really really trying not to yell at her.  I confessed to her that I may mess up, I may falter, but I am going to make a genuine effort to change my reactions.  She looked at me with all the pride I have ever seen in her sweet little 5 year old eyes and she said "You did it Mommy, you didn't yell at me!  Way to go!" and gave me a high five then said "Can I finish watching Austin and Ally now?"
Well it was short lived, but very powerful!  I did it, I did it!

The YELLING must stop!!! 30 day Challenge

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in this blog in a REALLY long time, but I actually mentioned it last night to the girls in our youth group at church and found myself itching to write something!  So here goes!

I recently came across a link to this blog article on a friend's facebook page and found myself feeling guilty, sad and suddenly determined all at the same time.

Perhaps I should back up a bit.  I am a yeller.... there I said it.  I yell (a lot) and I come by it honestly, I come from a long line of yellers; my mother was a yeller, my maternal grandmother IS a yeller, my paternal grandmother was a yeller, my aunt on my father's side..... you guessed it, she's a yeller too.  One could say that I didn't stand a chance, it's coded into my DNA, I'm a yeller.  Well that's pretty much what I thought too, until today (I'll explain later).  My mother seems to have mellowed out in her latter years (although the fact that she doesn't have three dueling children under her roof may have something to do with that) and I haven't heard her yell in quite some time, but me on the other hand, I seem to be getting worse as the years pass by.  Part of this is probably due to the fact that I'm almost 39 years old and I have a 5 year old at home, by the time my Mother was my age all her children were at least in middle school (you are not buying my excuses are you?  Yeah I didn't think so).  Well no matter the reason, my yelling seems to be getting worse instead of better.  Last year while teaching my daughter pre-kindergarten at home I would find myself getting frustrated with her for some trivial reason (how dare her spill something on the kitchen floor RIGHT after I mopped it or not remember that the letter G does not make the ja sound) and I'd find myself in a cycle of yelling, guilt, hug, promise.  I'd get upset, yell and get all of my frustration out, feel guilty, hug my child and promise never to yell again.  One day not too long ago, I was getting ready to head to school with my daughter and stepped outside onto the porch with the dog only to hear the door shut behind me and realize that my little princess had not only shut the door behind us, but locked it also.  I quickly panicked as I realized that my keys were of course inside and we were locked out.  Normally this wouldn't have been THAT big of an issue because my mother lives right next door and has a spare key to our house, but she wasn't home and therefore not available to rescue us.  So there I was locked out, no way in, dog is outside with us (with no leash mind you) and I blew my top.  I started yelling at my daughter about how I couldn't believe she had been so careless, and what was she thinking when suddenly, through those precious big green eyes filled with tears my daughter said to me "Mommy you promised you were not going to yell anymore", and even in that moment when I was being confronted by my child, I made excuses.  "I know, but that is just ridiculous that you don't pay attention to what you are doing".....
Yeah just typing that puts a lump in my throat, ugh. 

Yesterday I ran across the blog article entitled The Important Thing About Yelling and it felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart.  I felt guilty for what I had done to my child, sad that I had taught her that the only way to express her frustration or disappointment was to yell and determined to do something about it. 
I mean really, what does it mean that I feel like I'm entitled to raise my voice to tower over my child, or husband and inflict emotional pain and fear onto them simply because I chose to stay up too late watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix and I'm tired in the morning, or because I have a big fat ugly zit on my forehead and it's put me in a bad mood? (Come on, I know I'm not alone there)
So I followed the blog link to the original Orange Rhino Challenge and read the entire post, plus the supporting posts from all the links all in one sitting.  I knew right away this was going to be a challenge for me, but it is something I feel I owe my precious daughter, my amazing husband, and myself.

This is NOT going to be easy, I may fail (temporarily) but I am determined!
The original Orange Rhino Challenge is for a year of no yelling.  I'm a here and now kinda gal, a year from now seems like an eternity.  So I'm going to start with 30 days.  I am committing to doing my very best to restrain from yelling for 30 days.  So, who's with me?
If you are yourself a yeller and would like to take this 30 day challenge with me I'd love to hear from you, the more people we have that we can network together and support each other, the better our success will be!

So... what's the plan you ask?  First and foremost I will cover this entire endeavor with prayer.  I believe wholeheartedly in Philippians 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!
Next, I have downloaded the Tracking My Triggers WorkSheet from the Orange Rhino challenge and plan to start tracking what, when, where and how I am yelling.  Knowledge is power right?  I figure if I know what is making me yell, and how I can prevent the yelling then it will making it that much easier right?  Well that's my theory anyways!
I am also going to be posting a link to this blog post on my personal FB page.  Yes, I'm being honest when I say that scares the be-jeebers out of me.  I have lots of people in my life that may be surprised to learn that I have this (along with many other hidden) character flaw.  It's not something one brags about, "Yeah, that's me, yelling like a banshee when things don't go my way"......   Although friends and facebook peeps are generally safe, I tend to save the worst of the worst for the ones I love the best of the best (can I get a witness?)  I want my facebook friends, my blogger friends and anyone else to rally around me and let's support each other in this endeavor.  Change is hard, but it is not impossible.
And lastly, I will be sitting my kiddo and my husband down and sharing with them my plan.  They are the two most important earthly people in my life, I want them to think of me as a kind person who takes care of them both physically and emotionally, not the one to be feared and avoided depending on my mood.

I'll be checking in about once a week to give you an update on my progress as well as my setbacks and challenges.  Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope to hear from you soon :)

Be blessed sweet yellers :)